He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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