he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
