Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
