ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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