I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
