time to smoke my breakfast
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
