best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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