i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
