That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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