I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
