i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
