So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
