I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
