Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
