Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
