who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
