i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
