Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
