After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
