I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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