So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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