So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
