Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
