so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
