We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
