i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
