Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
