but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
