I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Non-Jews are for practice
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
