two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just invented taco cereal.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
