I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
