I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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