So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
