SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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