I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
