I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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