I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
