There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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