saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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