Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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