Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
