Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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