They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
