You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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