im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
