like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
