So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
God I need to hump something, right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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