The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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