You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
