Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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