That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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